I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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