She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
