Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
