I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got inside last night via doggy door
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
