Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
