Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just had sex bonerless
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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