i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
