i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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