he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
