so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
