you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
