it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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