Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
