we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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