So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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