This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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