I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
