sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
