how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize