so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
