just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize