at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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