Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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