I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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