He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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