Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
