do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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