I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
