I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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