i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
