do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
