i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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