Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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