the condom got lost in my hair
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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