I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Plan B is the new Plan A
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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