Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
