It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
