you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
