Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
