The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
