I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
