Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize