Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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