I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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