Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
