A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize