In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
