I accidentally burped into my bong.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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