Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
