I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
