i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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