Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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