Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
