they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize