I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
