So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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