Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize