i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
