We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
