Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
