I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Houston, we have a squirter
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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