I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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