well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
