I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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