I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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