you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
did i just pee glitter
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
