If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
