the condom got lost in my hair
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
