If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
